Sunday, November 13, 2011

Don't cry no tears

credit pic:

Ok did you still remember when I told u guys that I’ll tell you how in the world I have two mothers?(my story) Ok so sorry for being keeping this for quite awhile...and as I have already promise you guys that I’ll tell you someday and maybe today is the day so please be with me a little while. Do you think that it is awkward or maybe should I call bizarre to have two mothers?

I could still remember when I was 6-year-old, I was quite good student, with a good achievement in reading, singing, dancing and whole lot more that I was being successfully selected to be one of the nominees for ‘Pelajar Kemas terbaik setiap Daerah’ (aku pelajar kemas kat kampung je nama kampung tu Telosan. Aw by the way, my former kindergarten teacher told me that I was her good student, so cerita tu betul sumer yg kat atas tu). I couldn’t understand why in the world that my mum and dad were so happy to see me receiving a piece of certificate by someone important on stage all I know at that time was there will be great feast served afterwards. As soon as I got the certificate, on my big day, I saw my dad packed his stuff in a bag, judging from the size of the luggage, my dad will be going somewhere for a long time. I saw my mum cried, and at that time there was a sharp pain that I could hardly bare and I don’t understand what was that means and when I approached mum, she quickly wiped her tears. I know something bad had happened that my mum’s tears were rolling down on his rosy cheeks. Though I was so frigging young, I know something was not right going on and I tried to avert my nasty feeling toward my toys on the floor. I grabbed my all-time favourite red, big lorry toys on the floor and started to squeal ‘Vroom....vroom’ as if my big lorry was a real lorry with tonnes of sand on its container when dad slowly approached me and put me on his lap. He told me that he’ll be going to Kuala Lumpur for work and I have to stay home with mum. I said okay to him though I know exactly where Kuala Lumpur is in the first place and I assured myself that everything will be perfectly fine soon.

After awhile, I was with mum and whenever there was break from school, my mum and I would off to Kuala Lumpur and for a few earlier months we were staying at hotel in Kuala Lumpur and this went on until my father got his own house in Kuala Lumpur.  At that time meeting up with my dad was pivotal that I don’t mind anything else even if I need something like toys of my dream, I won’t tell him I’ll just keep it in me, what most important at that time was I can be with my dad and that was all I’m asking for. I could still remember when I was about 8 year-old, it was Eid 2000, when I was firstly meet my step mother known as Syira, and I didn’t even know who the hell she was but one thing for sure, the feeling that I was having at those moment was really not good, for the first time in my life I watched other woman sitting beside my father in a car. There was nothing I could do but to watch my mum’s place being snatched away by the woman. Seriously I despise her so much that you guys would never imagine and I wanna go home to my mum and embrace her. As soon as I got home, I told mum everything about the woman and bla..bla and mysteriously and ridiculously my mum was laughing instead of throwing her tantrum. When I asked her who she was, she replied me in a short and confidently ‘Bini abah jugak!’. 
I was shocked by my mum statement and I was about to scream out of my head upon learning the fact that my dad is having another wife, and there were some scenes from movies like snow white, Cinderella, Bawang Putih Bawang Merah reeled into my thought at that moment. I reckoned that my future life would be something exactly like what the story portrayed, where I’ll be the slave of the house, need to clean this,that,then those, these and bla-bla...

It was Jun 2002 when I discovered that my dad is having a son with his second wife,  Syira. My dad went back home and informed us the news, in fact he brought home the picture of Alif Imran Bin Mohd Saljie. I was so frustrated to finally learn that I am not gonna be the only son for my dad. The feeling of jealousy seemed to get better of me that I ripped apart the picture of him into pieces. My dad hasn’t learnt that. I felt like, every hour, second of my dad was for him. I used to be flooded with the toys and all of a sudden I noticed that he rarely bought me one. I felt so envy, especially when I went to my second mother’s house or ‘ibu’ that’s the call that I need to call her. It’s a little awkward to call stranger in the family as Ibu. 

So from the day onwards, my life is something like KL-KB, KB-KL. Sometimes we travel by bus, and sometimes by car and sometimes by plane. I’ve been travelling back and forth from Kuala Lumpur to Kelantan for quite some time and to tell you the truth, life like this was really tiring, but it’s....ok fun..

Well, my mum or umi is still with my abah, they don’t go separate ways, and that’s something good, Alhamdullilah. But the relationships between these two mothers are not that excellent, as a matter of fact they are far away to the word excellent as they can’t get along each other well, so I just don’t give damn about them, what most important now is my relationship with my abah, umi, Alif, and ibu is good, having brother isn’t that bad and I’m kind of loving the way we are living now, but of course I’m hoping and pray for better.

My childhood experience is the one that define who I am today. I love to think big that some people would never think of that and I love my abah, umi, adik and to tell the truth I’m still learning to love my step mother, she won’t see this, it’s okay...  (HEHEHE)

 I really hope that my father can read this, I wanted him to know how I felt about him and the way we’re living now, I would never go and tell him what I’ve just written here in front of him, I somehow hope that someday Abah can read this...and for Abah, I really don’t mind for what had happened, let bygone be bygone...The future of our family is still bright, and I hope Abah can sort this out sooner or later, I really wanted to see someday during Hari Raya we can take picture as a real family, there are Abah in the middle between  Umi and Ibu and I will be standing behind with Alif. I hope I can see this picture very soon in future...

credit pic:simplethoughtssimplewords.wordpress

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Legal Age

Credit picture:

17th January 1991, that’s the day when I was born and now I am 20 year-old and pretty soon in coming less than 2 months I’m turning 21 year-old. That’s the legal age and soon I’ll be man! By the age of 21 I should have known my own real identity, or else I will end up having confusion about my roles in life for the rest of my life. I can’t spend the rest of my day to find myself and it has to be when I am 21! But, to tell you the truth, I still don’t know which part of roles I’m in. Few years before, I can say that I spent my lifetime pondering upon questions of identity. I was more concerned about what I appear to be in the eyes of others instead of what I really feel I am.

Something for sure, teacher would be my profession in coming more 4 years and I still can’t see a picture of me being in front of the classroom talking, teaching, and fraternizing with the nations. Seriously talking, I don’t wanna be teacher in school for the rest of my life. I want to do something that I’ll trade everything for it; you know the kind of work field where the awesomeness is seemingly revolving around us every day and we can’t wait for the next days and I wanna be that. 

As for now, I’m having my final examination for this semester and afterwards I’m gonna have my long break until early next year 2012 and I’ll be turning 21.  Okay, the watch struck sharply at 11 pm and I should be on bed now, tomorrow I have Language Development paper that will take 3 hours starting from 8.30 am until 11.30 am. Wish me luck!

*20 is a helluva adventure, and I’m waiting and preparing what ‘21’ has to offer me!*

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Mak cik kerepek/ The Lady Tapioca cracker

This maybe sound a little lame, but who cares! I've finally owned my own channel on youtube. The first video which I have uploaded on my channel entitled Mak Cik Kerepek was actually a part of my final drama when I was in UiTM..hope you'll like it! Be nice, it's my first video on the channel..

The clear picture of mak cik kerepek

Final Exam Strike!

It's crazy over here!!! The final exam will be coming pretty soon and with tonnes of things that need for some revision a little bit here and there, I'd say it's crazy and I'm really freaking afraid that I might not do the right thing during this upcoming examination that finally would make my life misery...Hope everything will be just okay..Hoping to write something good not just another trashy writing very soon..

Till the next post..